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    Bukowski.

    “For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”

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    sundown.

    riding towards the light to unfinished concrete and soft grass. that one cement seat for rain and filth we sat and wished of riches, women, and fame. as it set past the land we wished of love, understanding, and parents that never fought. it was always the same frustration, hope and fear. it was never the same hormones, sex, and anticipation. riding away from the purple and orange. hoping and dreaming. we had sat upon the concrete and knew that was our haven. to wish, to dream, to imagine. a secret shared. a hope confided. a future dreamed. I sat at home. looked to the sky ignored my life, and…

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    Mr. T Loves His Mama.

    I try not to give the traditional holiday wishes… I tend to go for more eclectic tidings. Mother’s Day is one of those holidays that should not be forgotten. Mothers do so much every day, they give of themselves selflessly. Think of your mother today. Do something for her. Even if she is no longer with us, remember her and cherish her love. There is nothing like a mother’s love. It can be unbreakable, total, and pure. Mothers would take all the pain they could to keep their children from a second of that pain. Unconditional. With that said, and what was said earlier, I give you Mr. T singing…

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    I want to be a Systems Analyst when I grow up…

    I’m told that life is full of sacrifice. The small bit of optimism in me wonders why it must be that way. Why do we give up our dreams… why do we put the wishes of our youth away? We grow up and we do what needs to be done. We lose those dreams for staunch resolution. Compromise and negotiation. Why are we conditioned to do what’s “needed” instead of what we want? When we are children we have all of this wonderment. Naivety. Innocence. We want to be firefighters, astronauts, doctors, and cowboys. It’s so very easy to say. As kids, we just want it to happen. We don’t…

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    Snow. In April. In Texas.

    I woke up this morning to snow. Well… fluffy ice. You’d think that we as Texans would be used to the most unusual weather. 80 degree days in December. Thunderstorms in August. Snow in April. But of course we still point and take video of it as if it’s Bigfoot. It didn’t stick, and it stopped and started all day. If it had been December, we’d have a glossy sheet of white all over the lawn. Being April, it just melted as soon as it hit the patio. Snow is great. Snow is great in Texas. It’s like the aunt that comes to visit, gives you $50, and leaves. Nice…

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    Look at how young you look…

    My mom has been cataloging all of the family photos recently. I looked through the photos that she had piled into white plastic boxes. I came to the pile of photos in the box marked “Jeremy.” Flipping through each one- none of them were the same size. A school photo here, a Polaroid of a Superman cake there. I dismissed the rest of my family’s memories to reflect on mine. My brain is such an odd duck. It remembers such random things… I didn’t remember what I did a week ago, but I remembered my first “Fisher Price Magic Show.” I was so young once… unsure and naive. Birthdays, baby…

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    I read a book!

    I bought ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day’ by David Sedaris on the advice of a Barnes and Noble employee. I never talked to this person, but their name was Robin and it was one of her Picks of the Week. I pictured Robin walking the shelves and plucking this book from the shelf and embracing it. Reading it from cover to cover during her lunch break, raising an eyebrow and giving a succinct impromptu review. I could see the other names of employees that had chosen books… their names attached to philosophy books (Enid), photography of still life (Stanley), and a manual about grooming your poodle (Martha). All lofty goals…

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    Bluetooth. New Page.

    I was one of those that would profess to never purchase a Bluetooth for my phone. “I don’t want to be THAT guy that walks around with a tiny thing attached his ear- talking to himself in thin air and ignoring everyone around me.” Yet, here I am at the computer with a dark blue, shiny, blue LED flashing piece of splendid gadgetry glued to my ear. It’s convenient and small. It works with my media player. I can voice dial by pressing one button. I am sure that later, when I am used to it, I will walk out the door without my phone. My brain will register that…

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    This might turn into a habit.

    My daily Wikipedia browsing took me to the ‘Comics’ portal. I read ‘Blankets’ a long while back, and noticed it listed among the graphic novels. I read that Craig Thompson had written it to put on paper the feeling of laying next to someone for the first time. I would agree with others in saying that he succeeded. I thought of the first time I was in love… laying with someone. Hearing her heartbeat, feeling her chest rise and fall under my arm… contentment. I’d never even had sex with her. I put my head in her lap. She sang to me, ran her fingers through my hair, and just…

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    wow. snow.

      snow. i won’t discuss the snow. it’s there. it’s wet and white and cold. so very cold. i am sure there are a multitude of snow and winter blog entries that no one ever reads. so i won’t contribute to the wasted bandwidth. oh, but i sure have done just what i set out not to do. like stubbing your toe in the dark. you don’t intend on jamming your toe into the credenza, but you sure as hell do.   old men from other states up north will tell us texans stories that seemed to come from the worst survival movies.”oh, this is nothing. you should have seen…

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    san antonio. day three.

    today we went to the enchanted springs ranch. lots of cowboys and damsels and stuff. usually. but there was no one around. we walked halfway into the place before we saw anyone. it was fun though. lots of animals. zebras and cattle and some exotic animals i couldnt see. from there we went to gristmill… a restaurant in an old cotton gin. very good. then we went shopping at an outlet mall. books on the cheap. nothing better. enchanted springs ranch. texas rangers. not the baseball guys. the entrance to the town. pretty sure it’s all fake. donkey! the local post office… leave a forwarding address. the undertaker… boxes on…

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    san antonio. day two.

    today was a bit more hectic. we were going to fiesta texas, but it’s only open on the weekends now. so, we went to the alamo. i took pictures of the front and on the grounds, but somehow they weren’t on my card. so… i have all the other pics i took. i bought cheap touristy crap… but you are supposed to… it’s vacation. we went to the riverwalk and had a margarita… but there aren’t pics of that. we also went to the wax museum across the street from the alamo. $85 for four people to go to the wax museum AND the ripley’s believe it or not exhibit.…

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    san antonio. day one.

    day one went pretty well… the first stop on our trip… brand new gas station. my dad’s behind the door… those are my mom’s legs. my brother from afar. the entrance to oma’s haus in new braunfels. german food! rack of beers oma’s haus serves. german, of course. mom, dad, and daniel. i’m the one taking the photo, natch. tha schnitzel. and potato salad… of the german style. yum. steins for german beer. it’s a crime to put anything else in them.a plaster stein welcoming me after i left. finally! our hotel suite! big bed! the living room of previously mentioned suite. we had wendy’s in the room. watched tv.…

  • poetry,  Uncategorized

    wishes:

    i was going to wait to write about my birthday on the actual day, but i decided to get it out of the way. the day will come and go, and i will not be changed in mind, body, soul, spirit, or outlook. i will go out to eat with the parents, i will open some gifts, some mediocre fanfare, and the day will end. the birthday cake will be in front of me, i will blow the now 28 candles on the frosted goodness, and close my eyes and wish for: wealth fame love happiness all that other stuff we all do it. we all wish for these things…

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    untitled:

    i try to remember her face. i close my eyes, and try to remember her perfume. her scent that i could smell before she came into the room. i try to remember her laugh. her hearty, loud, boastful laugh. she only smiled when i made her laugh. my brain strains and hurts to recall anything that will open my horrible blocks of memory. anything… a word that her thick accent would butcher… her soft small hands that i had kissed for hours as i pleaded with her to take me back. i despise my cursed brain. the back of my eyes throb, my neck is killing my concentration. i can…

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    goodbye old man…

    my mom comes by the house this morning, and notices that my cat has a tooth jutting out of his mouth. we had noticed that his mouth had started to elvis on one side. but we just figured it was him and his old age. his breath was worse these days. that was a bad sign. we knew that he could not eat without his canine tooth (i called it a feline tooth in a moment of deflection)and that his quality of life would continue to decline. so we called the vet, and asked to come in to see her. so we crammed and pushed him into the small dark…